


Ｇｅｎｊｉ　Ｌｏｖｅｓ　Ｖａｐｏｒｗａｖｅ

by MemesByTheFoot



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, Gen, M/M, dont take this seriously, this doesnt make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 19:30:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9622361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemesByTheFoot/pseuds/MemesByTheFoot
Summary: genji gets too obsessed with vaporwave. hanzo has more followers than him and he cries about it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> yeah uh i dont know. this is supposed to be really dumb thanks. hanzo doesnt have a character at all hes so far off canon i dont know why i even called him hanzo

It started one sunny day in early January. Genji wore a shirt with a strikingly familiar pattern on it - and Hanzo took immediate notice.

"Is that Crystal Pepsi? Genji what the fuck. That's so old dude. What. Why?," he questioned.

"Ｉ＇ｍ　ｔｒｙｉｎｇ　ｓｏｍｅｔｈｉｎｇ　ｎｅｗ，　ｂｒｏｔｈｅｒ," replied Genji.

"How..... how the fuck did you say that out loud?" responded Hanzo. Genji shrugged with a loud synthesizer noise. Torbjorn had given him some sick upgrades. He could also flash his lights whatever color he wanted, and it was programmed to teals and pinks that Genji had been fascinated by recently.

 

The obsession grew rapidly. One day Genji was training like the good cyborg ninja soldier his dead parents had taught him to be, and the next day he was sitting in a hammock outside all day editing pictures of the sunset to make them look like they were being viewed on a VCR. Genji didn't even know what a VCR was. He was listening to less and less normal music, opting instead for ｍａｃｉｎｔｏｓｈ　ｐｌｕｓ or ｓａｉｎｔ　ｐｅｐｓｉ. 

Before anyone could do anything about it, Genji was hooked. He walked around all day holding a cup with a Dart Solo Jazz design on it (you know, that waxy solo cup with the teal and purple crayon-looking design? Yeah that), talking about how much he loved grids, and updating his Tumblr theme constantly to put a new marble statue graphic on his gradient background.

"Ｙｏｕ　ｋｎｏｗ，　Ｌｕｃｉｏ，　ｓｏｍｅｔｉｍｅｓ　Ｉ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｌｉｋｅ　Ｉ　ｗａｓ　ｂｏｒｎ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｗｒｏｎｇ　ｇｅｎｅｒａｔｉｏn," said Genji one day. 

Lucio shrugged. He knew the truth hurt, but someone had to tell him. "Yeah I.... I don't think the world was ever vaporwave, Genji." said Lucio.

Genji was glad he had his visor on, so Lucio couldn't see him cry. His voice cracking a bit, he said, "Ｙｅａｈ　Ｉ　ｇｕｅｓｓ．　Ｉ，　ｕｈ．．．　Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　ｔｏ　ｇｏ．　Ｉ．．．　Ｉ　ｏｒｄｅｒｅｄ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｉｎｆｌａｔａｂｌｅ　ｐａｌｍ　ｔｒｅｅｓ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｓｈｏｕｌｄ　ｂｅ　ｈｅｒｅ　ｂｙ　ｎｏｗ." Genji sprinted off, hoping Lucio couldn't tell he was crying.

Genji shut the door of his room violently behind him. The world must have been vaporwave... in the 90s everything was vaporwave...... Genji was having a crisis. He hugged the marble statue in his corner, crying into its cold shoulder as he looked at the sunset poster above its head. Just then, he heard a knock on his door.

He opened the door. Hanzo stepped in.

"Genji, what the fuck is this shit. You've been spending all your time on your blog and sitting in your room listening to weird remixed commercial music. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Genji's heart sank.

"Ｈａｎｚｏ，　ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｍｙ　ｃａｌｌｉｎｇ．　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｍｙ　ｌｉｆｅ．　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｗｈｏ　Ｉ　ａｍ．　Ａｎｄ　ｍｙ　ｔｕｍｂｌｒ　ｂｌｏｇ　ｉｓ　ｇｒｏｗｉｎｇ　ｑｕｉｃｋｌｙ，　Ｉ　ｈａｖｅ　１２　ｆｏｌｌｏｗｅｒｓ　ｒｉｇｈｔ　ｎｏｗ."

Hanzo scoffed. "My porn blog has 1276 followers. Get on my level, Genji. Fuck you." Genji cried himself to sleep that night, tears staining his vintage Nintendo-themed pillowcase.

The next morning, Genji realized he needed to talk to Zenyatta, so he called him up on his vintage 90s landline.

"How are you calling me from such an old phone, my pupil?" asked Zenyatta.

"Ｉｔ＇ｓ　ｖｉｎｔａｇｅ，　Ｚｅｎｙａｔｔａ．　Ｉ　ｐａｉｄ　ｌｏｔｓ　ｏｆ　ｍｏｎｅｙ　ｆｏｒ　ｉｔ," replied Genji.

"I do not care," said Zenyatta bluntly. "What is troubling you?"

"Ｈａｎｚｏ　ｈａｓ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｆｏｌｌｏｗｅｒｓ　ｔｈａｎ　ｍｅ," admitted Genji.

"Ah, my student. Such trifle problems are easily solved. Just do a promo or something, I'm sure you'll get more," suggested Zenyatta.

"Ｉ　ｇｕｅｓｓ．　Ｔｈａｎｋｓ，　Ｍａｓｔｅr," replied Genji.

"Anytime."

Genji hung up the phone, and set out to make the best promo post ever. He even made Hanzo reblog it, under threats that he would tell the entire base his URL. That gained him 59 more followers. Still not enough to give him that sense of validation he craved, but he was getting somewhere.

The next weekend, he heard an apelike knock on his door. When he opened it, he saw the one, the only, Winston.

"Genji, the rest of the team and I would really like to talk to you."

Genji knew what was waiting for him out in the meeting room. He knew he had to face it, but he didn't want to. He walked out anyway, for the purposes of this story, and in giant letters was a streamer reading "ｉｎｔｅｒｖｅｎｔｉｏｎ". At least they understood his aesthetic.

Hanzo started off. "Dude, what the fuck. Chill. Or maybe, stop chilling. Vaporwave is too chill."

Angela went next. "You know, vaporwave causes cancer. I read it on National Enquirer. Better stop."

Next was McCree. "Pardner, yaint gonna find internal satisfaction through means of other people. Best be yourself, or yaint gonna ever be truly at peace with yourself. It don't matter how many toodly gosh darn followers you have on that newfangled Tumbling app. Yer beautiful inside and out, and that's what counts. Moving speech over, commence mic drop."

He was met with a standing ovation from everyone. Genji was brought to tears by McCree's beautiful words. 

 

 

Genji gave up vaporwave for good and everyone was happy and Genji and McCree fell in love the end.

**Author's Note:**

> if you like this nonsense check out my other nonsense and also my tumblr memesbythefoot.tumblr.com thanks


End file.
